Out of sight out of mind

 It's okay to take your time...

It's been a while since my last post and I haven't been able to make up my mind to write again. 

It wasn't until a week, that I told myself  I should stop procrastinating and get back to writing, to share a glimpse of my life. 

As someone who has suffered from clinical anxiety and ADHD, it became harder each day to live up to my own expectations and others too. 

Yes, I relapsed. 

I was stuck, I disappeared and I wasn't ready to be found. 

I lost all motivation and inspiration to feel every other form of human emotion that gives you the will to live.  

Well, I suppose we all have felt this way at some point in our lives right? 

Somewhere I knew that this feeling of emotional distance from myself will make me overthink things that do not play a vital role in my life, the fear and insecurity of not being good enough struck me like lightning shutting me off from reality.

I tried to control them and restricted myself from accepting the changes around me and while doing so I let my thoughts wander from one place to another, making a bunch of knots in my head that was hard to entangle and building a shield that protected me from being vulnerable. 

A part of me had this whole to-do list of things, content, and ideas from months of planning, but the other part of me was indistinct about everything. I created boundaries because I feared my vulnerability will make me look like a coward. 

There will be days where you think you have everything under control and there will be days where you will question everything, every decision you have ever made, every action that you've implemented.

It's like you're drowning in your own thoughts and choking on them. 

Slowing down...

I decided to slow down.

This journey of self-discovery has made me realize that it's okay to slow down. There is no point in rushing quickly towards life that will not inspire you or fulfill you, give you the pleasure you desire. You are in no rush to figure out your own soul.

You carry your own universe and it is never too late to start over. 

Do not give up on the dreams you thought you wanted for ones that genuinely excite you and give you the adrenaline rush, a life that challenges you and makes you feel alive! 

Livin' every moment...

What is life, if not a moment?

For a really long time, I held onto the past that no longer served me in my present, I had mastered the art of escaping from my own thoughts until I couldn't anymore. 

We can't live every day worrying about the future, instead, we need to learn to accept things as it comes for the best or the worse.

Healing...

Sometimes you just have to acknowledge a feeling, let it get under your skin. Feel it drag on your feet. Let it settle. Let it disappear and reappear. Then let it be as it supposed to be and accept the world from beginning to end. 

This is how you heal. 

Remember that you're not stuck you are just committed to certain patterns of behaviour that helped you in the past, and you need to outgrow them in order to fulfill your emotional needs and desires. 

Heal as much as you want, until it stops hurting. 

"Their perception of you is not your responsibility to live upto" 

It took me a while to accept this and come out of the bubble that I had created in my head, which couldn't see the reality of things.

I hope this time I stay consistent for the love of writing, for my passion and above all for myself.